Ever have one of those days when your just not sure? Not sure how you feel, not sure how things will turn out, not sure where your life is going, and not sure why your not sure. I feel like that has been me for the last few days. I feel so unsure about so many things. I know that as a Christian that I should have faith and trust in God and let all of my "not sure's" rest in Him, but that's always easier said then done. One of the things that I'm not sure about is why I'm still single? Is it because of something I'm doing or if this is the path God has chosen for my life. One thing I am sure about is hearing people tell me that it will all work out in time, or that the reason I haven't met anyone is because I'm just so great and need someone just as good. I'm tired of hearing that one day it will happen when I least expect it.
I have decided to expand my horizon a bit, if nothing but for the fun of it, and try eHarmony. Now I will be real with you and tell you that even doing this was a HUGE blow to my pride for some reason. I didn't even want to admit that I had tried it. I will say that I had, and still have a little bit of a view that this was the way of those that were desperate and maybe a bit strange. I know, what a stereotype, but I would not for the longest even consider the thought of using something like eHarmony because I would say that, "I wasn't that desperate," or I thought that only weird people went on there. So after talking to some friends at work and explaining to them that I was looking for someone that was a Christian and didn't drink or smoke, yes even at weddings and special occasions; they suggested that me and my list of criteria should try something a little different then what I had been doing, which was pretty much sitting and waiting.
I'm still not sure if this is for me, and I have to say that I really feel a little stupid even doing it. But who knows... I'm not sure how it will turn out, not sure if this could be classified as walking in the will of God, not sure if I should just give up and not care (I've tried and that's not an easy one), and not sure what lesson, except patience, that I am learning. I know people say that this is only one season in your life, well for me in the relationship department, I feel like I've been stuck in Winter my whole life.
I am thankful that I have at least one thing I am sure of, that no matter what, I have a God in heaven that loves me even when I'm so unsure of everything else. -Till Tomorrow
P.S. I was even unsure about posting this. I guess I'm afraid of what people would think of me.