Friday, December 13, 2013

Trying To Be A Hill Seeker

 I need to be a hill seeker! But sometimes deciding which hills I should take on are a bit daunting. Sometimes I really wish that there was a husband in the picture just to be there to help me make some decisions (and he could also take half of the blame, if and when, things may not go as planned). But the flip side is that I'm also glad that I don't have to worry about anyone else when trying to decide what I feel I should do. Just God and I and...yep, we got this. But still, I won't pretend that it wouldn't make things so much easier to have someone there beside me telling me that I got this, it's the right decision, and that they just know it's what I'm supposed to do. 

     The drive home from town tonight ended up like most of my hour long drives from town...I listen to some music, and then me and the Big Guy have a good ol chat. Tonights chat was basically one sided (Im sure that if I ever heard an audible voice reply from the Big Guy, I may just have a moment of freak out). Anyways... He's pretty use to my endless chatting with him, and tonight was no different. 
     Tonight I was asking Him to really let me know what should be the next step for me in the matter of getting my Masters. This is something that I have been back and forth about. Deep down I feel that I NEED to climb the "Hill" and just take the plunge and do it. But then the other parts of me are voicing their opinion pretty loudly...Like (here are a few of the thoughts that popped up):

  •  "How are you going to handle 20 more hours of reading and studying a week on top of all the other things I do at school???" 
  • "I'm not sure I even can even do all of the work?" 
  • "Do I really want to invest more money into my education??"
  • "Do I need this?"  
  • "This is going to be hard...I just know it?" 
  • "I swore I was done with school after the last 13 semesters to get my first degree!!!" 
  • "What if I have to take the GRE???!!!"

Those are just a few of the things rolling around in my head. I hate that I struggle so much with self-doubt! I have to say that talking to my friend Danielle, who is presently in the Masters program that I'm looking into, freaked me out a bit. But she also really encouraged me to do it while giving me a realistic viewpoint of all that is involved. 

     I know one day I may move on from the school I'm at right now (Not any time soon that I know of...well of course if my Millionaire Mr. Right should show up I would be open to relocation  haha!) so I need to make myself more marketable in the case that I every have to go looking for another art position. 
So I just need to suck it up, stop talking about it and JUST DO IT ALREADY!!!
Coming from another Sylvia...seems like a good reminder! 
     I know its not going to be easy, neither was college before, neither was going through Katrina, and my first year of teaching was no walk in the park. But I survived, I stuck it out, heck I even got freaking teacher of the year! I got through college with a learning disorder and all, I've beat the 3 year teacher burnout rate, heck I even survived bringing 10 High School kids to Europe and lived to tell about it! I got this!! I will no doubt drive myself insane, stress beyond belief, and vent a lot through my blog and FB... but I'm sure I will get through this and come out better just for having pushed myself. 
     So I finished my painting class I was taking this semester with an A, I've started on my portfolio, and now trying to decide between two Masters programs. I continue to pray hard, press on,  and let God show me which direction to go.
~Till Next Time

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